Hellsing - Fealty

"Can you believe this!?" With all his piety, you oft wondered with such a pitiful spirit if he believed anything at all anymore. "The absolute, outright defiance of my orders! It's like talking to the deaf! Does anyone listen to me? Is all my hard word I put into this sect in vanity?!" and you oft believed the latter part of those words personally. All your faith had been put into this boy since the time of his youth. You raised him in a way that you believed if you gave him every ounce of yourself that perhaps your great heart could change his petty foolish ways. You mollycoddled him, stood by him in his times of need, which were always, you remembered vaguely. Lately you became nothing more than a brick wall with which he could spout his diatribes at.

"What with that stunt pulled by Heinkel with that incubus, if he had caused anymore of a scene, the public would be in an outrage! The damage costs alone… Does he think I'm made of money!?" You would oft stand by, biting your tongue and whispering prayers to the Lord to forgive him for denouncing his spiritual brothers. It was all starting to look like fruitless excuses, and you asked for forgiveness for that too.

"And don't get me started on Yumiko, she follows his rogue example just as well. Because of them Chapter IX is attempting to get us dissolved. Did you hear that!? DISSOLVED, Anderson!" Snapping to attention at the call of your name, you realized he was still going on, and grating on your nerves, picking them apart one by one. And you begrudgingly nodded with a deft smile, saying your peace, "They have nay the pow'r tae. The ends be wit the Lord cherishes most, nae the means to which his will be done."

"That's no excuse! We are a unit, and when I say I want things clean and precise, it had better be double that! That's how it should be. That's how it will be! None shall take the reigns from me!" His fist slammed on the nightstand within his chambers, and you realized he had only struck it down because of the tremors running through him. He was shaking with such force you thought he would break. And all you wished to do was hold the ties that bind tighter so that wouldn't be.

"Enrico." You wanted to interject, yet he just kept on. His rants were endless at times, but the vehemence behind them was wearing your sense of sanity thin. Through all his doubts and denunciations, his bitterness and outcries for attention he already had. The one person who was always standing by as his brick wall of reason was ungratefully ignored. You never understood it, and in your confusion, your own bitterness was starting to rupture your precious sense of passiveness that was always so few and far between these days.

"Why am I even saying this to you for? You encourage them!" You felt a slight twinge under your eye at that, "Allow them to get away with whatever they please, you've been doing it since we were children." And another, "Always covering up their mishaps no matter at who's expense!" And another as you recalled that you have been covering up for Maxwell's indecent tongue for years. You protected him from whatever assails came his way.

"Thae were nay an exception." You butted in with as much sternness as you could muster. It was strange, as ultimately powerful as you were; biting back at your precious kimmer was something innate to you. You didn't so much fear him, as you feared what would become of his fragile sense of self if you ever harshly corrected him. But you were wearing thin, and the leer he sent you stretched the fine fiber of reserve as far as it could go.

"Don't try to malign me! This just proves it further… You'll defend them till they defunct. Never I! There was never equality!" Somewhere inside you, you could hear the grating sound of that wire connecting your empathy to your aggression shrieking as it was pulled to a point of no return.

"You were never on my side!" and the inevitable twang did not come in the sound of a snapped guitar string, but in the sound of the bed slamming against the wall as you pinned the incorrigible man down on the mattress with such a force the posts nearly broke.

"HOW DARE YEH! HOW DARE YEH SAY THAT! YE HAVE NAY A RIGHT TAE BE CALL'N MY FEALTY INTAE QUESTION!" You roared with such an intensity it shook to your very bone, and you watched as terror unmatched plastered across his face in shock of it, "Ah've given everythin ave mehself tae yeh! Wit more do yeh clamor for when Ah've already unbalanced the equality in your favor!"

It was then that you revealed that in all your turmoil raising this oblivious child that you had indeed set the scales off balance between he and the other children. You unwittingly loved him the most, despite all his bemoaning and caterwauling. And looking at him now, you were sure he was about to dissolve into the latter of that and convulse into tears. With wide eyes and petrified, you hadn't yet become aware of what sort of beast you had just unleashed on him until you saw that look that reflected the sniveling child he was not so long ago.

Deflation. You relinquished, wanting to believe that what broke just now was just your composure, and not his already pitiful spirit.


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Drabble by *Seraphim-Sephiroth